Blindsided

Today I was planning a post that turned up the funny or just rambled on about silly shit. Instead, earlier today I got blindsided by an unexpected voice and I decided I need to get out what’s been building all day.

It started this morning with some fun tumbling with my girls as usual for a Saturday or Sunday morning. Some great weekend morning cuddles with the girls is how every day should start. Anyway, in the pause of a small break I laid my head down on a teddy bear the girls had brought out to play with. As all or most toys that can be dressed it was naked as a jaybird so I did not immediately recognize it.

This bear was actually a build-a-bear given to my first daughter by my parents when she was a baby. One little feature they added to it was one of those little boxes that you can record your own message. So there it was, my father telling whoever pushed the button that it was Grandpa Peter and that he loved you very much.

As you now my Dad passed away 2 years ago on the day my second daughter was born. This was the first time I have heard his voice since he died. I was not ready for this and nor was I prepared. I welled up with emotion as I am just writing this. I think I may take that bear and keep it in a safe place. My girls will never know their grandfather and my first daughter who had met him several times will never remember him just as I never met any of my grandfathers.

I know someday those batteries will die and the message may be lost forever. So I want to keep it close in case I ever need to hear those 3 little words I will never hear again in person. Letters and stories he wrote will last forever but a clear recording of his voice saying I love you will not. He did say it in the poem/letter he wrote to me that I was given when he died. He wrote it just a few years in advance of his passing knowing someday I would get it after. But his voice is not reading it to me and sometimes you just need to hear it.

I miss you Dad.

My Favorite Parenting Idea

To me, this was my best idea ever when it comes to being a Dad. I think it would apply well to every stage of the process, even if you’re still trying. What I did was I went out and bought 2 moleskine notebooks, 1 for each child. In each notebook I write my kids letters. I don’t do this nearly as much as I should, but Every now and then before bed, I will write them a letter from me. My thought behind this is that one day when I am dead and gone or just when they become adults, they will have some interesting reading about them from my perspective. My Dad did this a few times and I just love reading them. No matter where you are in the process of rearing kids, it’s never too late to start or too early. I think even in the future you might enjoy reading them yourself before passing them on permanently. I have my grandfather’s notebooks from his time in World War 2 and since I never met him I am able to get some sense of what he was like. These Internet blogs will likely be around in 20 years, but the notebooks are forever permanent.

State of the Hockeyman v32.0

So Tuesday I turn the ripe old age of 32. OK, it’s not old but it feels like it sometimes. I thought I might do a post that lets you know who I am, what my beliefs are, etc… I think it’s a decent annual reflection to see how you actually change 365 days at a time. This year, I will provide some background up to me version 32.0 and next year will just be based on the single year.

I was born in New York and lived on Long Island until I was 12 when we moved to the Florida panhandle. This was not great for me as I was thrown into a new junior high school where factions were established the previous year in elementary school and I was on the outside. I was some skinny small new kid from new york who liked something called hockey and baseball in what was pure football country. I’m not the best looking boy in the land of the tan and not playing football didn’t do me any favors when it came to the ladies. I was the guy you said maybe to or that’s sweet let’s just be friends and spent most of my time alone. I had a few friends, but none I still talk to today. The bond between myself and my parents started drifting apart at this time and would never again be what it was before the previous summer.

High school was no different, if not worse, than my 2 years of junior high school. My only saving grace was probably the job as a busboy I got to make my own money which I needed because my parents had none. All of my real friends in life were those I worked with so the age group I hung with were all in their 20’s and I got some real lessons in life from them. I had a total of 1 girlfriends while in high school and that was only for about a week. My junior prom date was a 26 year old waitress and my senior prom never happened due to a drunk driving tragedy. If it seems sad and lonely, indeed it was. My life was school, home in room, work, or home in room. I trained my parents to leave me alone and that’s what they did. I was a stranger living in my parents house. I did have a few friends that I was close with at the time, but again, no contact today. I did earn a varsity letter on my school weightlifting team as I was a strong 114 lbs kid and played on my work softball team. I only lifted for 1 year on a team because my coach did not remember who I was the next year when I came back and asked him when we were to start training again so I decided not to continue.

At 18, my life changed. When I was 9 years old, I was hit by a car and hospitalized for a week for observations of my head injuries. Nothing permanent but I did get an insurance settlement that I was able to touch at 18. I was handed $50,000 to start my adult life and was given no direction on how to do so. I bought a brand new Mustang which was badass and lasted me about 6 or 7 years. The rest of it was pissed away on anything and everything I wanted at the time. I did get my first real computer so it wasn’t all wasted. College was not a factor but I did get to Woodstock in 94 which was my highlight. By 19 though, it was gone.

At 19, I met the love of my life and followed her to college in Orlando. I went to school off and on while working full time until I was kicked out for bad grades the third time. I did play roller hockey in college and through that I made friends I still play hockey with today. At 22 we were married and I had just finished my first year of a real computer job that would eventually get me where I am today. Life was good and 5 years later we bought our first house and 11 months after that we had our first little girl.

Life since high school has been better than before, but some things stay the same. I still battle depression and insomnia but I’m happier than I have ever imagined being. My father died at 61 the day my second daughter was born and several relatives on both sides of the family have passed since. 6 or 7 immediate family members in 2 years will wear on you mentally when you’re not one to share or let out your feelings. Luckily, my father gave me his love of music and that got me through everything that ever happened in my life and has always been my escape. I also got his sense of humor which is a bit odd but I can joke about anything and it created a bond for us to become friends again in life after I moved away and really started my adult life.

In September I will celebrate 10 years of marriage. Things have certainly never been easy for us, but they also haven’t been very hard. I am very lucky to have my wife in my life and cannot imagine where I would be without her or our girls. They are my rock, my life and my purpose of being. I have a great job as a manager of a handful of programmers and developers in a good place with good people. I get to leave by 5:30 most every day and rarely ever do any work beyond Monday through Friday. I could not ask for more I don’t think.

So that’s who I am and where I come from.

The Best Father’s Day Ever

First of all, father’s day never gets nearly as much attention or expectation as mother’s day. What’s up with that? I think there are just as many things a Dad is needed for as Mom. Anywho, here is how my day was the best ever.

Wake up to the smell of homemade biscuits and gravy with eggs and bacon at the mother in law household where we were for the weekend. Mmmm mmmm delicious. All my girls were in bed with me when I woe up so that was great even if I couldn’t talk with my dragon breath. Got a card hand signed by my kids who don’t know how to write yet. Very cute and VERY much appreciated. Also got a nice new golf glove from the in-laws which was also very much appreciated.

After stuffing myself silly on the home cooked goodness, we headed out for a little goofy golf, or miniature golf. The girls each had their own putter and the place was all ours. It was quite cute to watch my 4 year old really making efforts to do it and the 2 year old would drop her ball in the hole or right next to it to knock it in. But then, on about hole number 10, the unthinkable happened. My 4 year old set her ball down on the tee mat and knocked it up a ramp angled at about 30 degrees. She hit it more than far enough past the middle so as it rolled back in the middle she caught the catcher and it dropped into a pipe. Out of the pipe came her ball and rolled center cut into the hole for a true hole in one. We were all so excited and jumping and hollering and she wanted none of it. She did not like the excitement. Someday she will make a great US Open champion! Oh yeah, she had 3 more in the day…

After 30 or so holes, she was done as it was about 200% humidity outside. On the way back to the in-law abode, we stopped for cherry limeades at Sonic. Double delicious.

Upon getting back we all vegged in front of the TV for about an hour the father in law and I decided we’d go try to play some golf. Maybe 9 holes and then come back before dinner. With my mother asleep on one end of the couch and the Mrs on the other end, I thought it would be a good idea to bring the girls. Only country club golf could make bringing a 2 year old and 4 year old to the golf course possible. Not only did I play some great golf, but they had no interest in playing. Only fishing our ball out of the hole or just staying in the cart where it was shady. We played 7 of 9 holes due to weather and it was great.

Dinner time comes and we have baked beans with bacon, macaroni and cheese, and grilled bratwurst. Best part was the wife cooked it all! Again, stuffed to the brim. Couldn’t even eat dessert although I have little to no sweet tooth. The rest of the evening was spent being rowdy with my girls and watching Tiger work his magic in the open.

Bedtime came pretty soon after Tiger was done and since the girls were still up I invited them to lie with me to fall asleep. So there I was, fat from the glorious meals, with one little girl on either arm cuddled into my sides and we all fell asleep….

Perfect

Adventures in Potty Going

With my oldest now off the diaper, or nappy, she has entered the stage of wondering which places we visit have toilets that flush themselves. Because the younger one wants to go on the porcelain throne so badly she feels it necessary for her to tag along as well. I guess it’s reconnaissance for her future eliminations.

Where this tale gets a little awkward is taking my little girls into the nasty mens room when the wife is not around or just if I am able to take them. Upon the first trip into the mens room, the ever so observant almost 4 year old’s first words are “what’s that smell dada?” I pretended not to hear it as I did want to go into detail regarding males and their nasty loos. The next item up for discussion was the urinals. I had not much thought about urinals and how they might look to a 4 year old and 2 year old, but the moment was thrust upon me. What is that? Is that for little boys? I don’t want to use that, it looks scary, dada I’m scared. I don’t want to use that….AHHHHHH….lemmie out of here! What sparked such a shift in emotion you ask? Well, it came from the 2 year old reaching in to feel the mat the urinal mints sit on sparking a sudden outburst of horror from myself coupled with the flush of the odd shaped monster. The tears after that were because the water was too hot for the 2 year old as I scrubbed the hell out of those little hands that grasped the mat every male who enters the room has peed on and not always flushed depending on the little eye in the black circle watching you go.

The bad news is now the 4 year old is pretty aprehensive to enter the mens room so mom must now take the majority of those duties. No pun intended. The good news is it will hopefully scar them for life and never again enter the nastiness that can be found in the mens restroom.

De-Motivation

We’re all familiar with the corporate America’s motivational posters. Well here is a small selection of some of my favorite de-motivators. I have more that are a little more “racy” but I’ll save them for later or perhaps a private post. Enjoy.

(Sign says Iron My Shirt Bitch)

*yawn*….huh? what? oh yeah…

Hey my peeps. Been away for a while being all suburban and shit. Where have I been? Here. Well, just for one day. Blogging about my daily life of writing code and fending of the minions of super hotties at Target just hasn’t inspired me to write much. Actually, just spending some serious QT with the girls all weekend has just wiped me out come blogging time and Dean Koontz released the latest Odd Thomas book so I spend my evenings with Odd. I don’t know exactly why, but I connect with this characters quirky-ness better than most any other character I have read. It is book 4 in a not-really related series and I love every page.

Hockeyman is not so hockey this season as I have no team to play on right now but working on it. It’s hard when you play goalie as there is only 1 per team. I will just sub as needed this season and hopefully parlay those opportunities into a full time gig again.

So watching the Stanley Cup finals on NBC and I see a commercial for Nashville Star. Normally I ignore this TV junk but Jewel caught my eye. Why is she a judge? Just cause she sleeps with a rodeo “star” and her last flop was a country album gives her the credibility to be a counrty music judge? It breaks my heart to watch her continue to sell out in new ways. Her greatest work was her first album and I loved her then. Her music was raw, lyrics from deep places in her heart and some tracks were recorded in the dive bar’s she came up through. I’m glad she found commercial and financial success, but I miss the singer/songwriter she was before labels got her.

Oh yeah, what am I doing right now while I write this? Spelling every word these eyes are asking me to spell!

Parents evening out

What is a typical evening in my household? Well, once the little mess makers finally stay in bed, the remaining few hours are usually spent staring into our individual MacBook Pro’s The Mrs is working on her too successful(see tax bill) business and I am just looking for some form of interaction. If I’m lucky, like tonight, I get a sporting event on TV to view or else I have a ball game streaming on my computer from my mlb.tv subscription.

Last Saturday the wife and I got to go to my friend’s surprise birthday party. But gone are the days it seems that this was an easy weekly thing to do. When I was younger, my parents seemed to have an endless supply of babysitters to come to our house and talk to her boyfriend on the phone all night while we performed chemical mixing experiments in the bathroom sink. What happened to the supply of babysitters in surburban neighborhoods? When did they get so damn expensive too? These days it seems like you need to hire an event planner just to get a sitter lined up so you can go to a movie. But when you get back, it feels like you need a bank to finance the evening and the expense of it?

Any online recommendations? Craigs List seems only good for finding “other” things…

Where did Chris Parker go?

Where are the pictures?

Ever wonder why I never have any pictures on my blog? Well, it’s not because I don’t know how to use a camera or that I’m not good at snapping pictures. I’m just not allowed to use the camera.

Backstory: 2 incidents have led to my ban of holding and snapping photos accessible to me in daily life. Incident 1 was during our first visit to Seaworld back in my young and dumb college years when I opted to wear the camera bag around my neck for the day. So our first stop was at the manta rays tank where you can pet the rays as they swim by. Anywhoo, I leaned over to pet a ray and the camera fell out of the bag that I failed to zip shut and the damn thing fell in. Although I pulled it out just 2 seconds later, the salt water did it’s thing and the camera was rendered useless, I was scolded ALL DAY, and I’m reminded of this for the rest of my life. Incident 2 shouldn’t even count, but it gets thrown at me ever since. While still in my college days we visited MGM studios at Disney. I did not have the actual camera, just a disposable. It was a Star Wars weekend and the dorky kid in my snapped and scrolled through lots of pics of the day. Well, we hit the last event of our day and as we were leaving I realized I left the camera behind. Damn happy people are so efficient at cleaning up it was long gone before we got back and lost and found doesn’t keep any of the hundreds of disposables it finds that day. So my memories have now forever been changed from the cool dorky stuff I saw that was star wars related to nothing but the fact I lost my $12 disposable camera and the dorky pics I took.

Both of these incidents happened 10 years ago. Should I still be punished today? Why can’t I have the camera when I go places or be held responsible for it when we are out? Cell phones have shitty cameras built in and I missed some great shots. Wah…..I stomp my foot in a whiny pout. WTF?

How about you? What meaningless BS is held over your head on a permanent basis because of one dumb mistake you made many years ago? Should I be allowed to have the camera or should I buy my own? I gave the last few as gifts, so should I be given a new digital camera as a gift? My birthday is coming up and you only have 31 shopping days left!

Cherished Moments

What could possibly be the best part of my day? Quite simple really. The time that I get to spend reading my girls a bedtime story. Disney has made it VERY simple by creating this book. Each story is from a different movie and each page is numbered by date so you never forget and the kids never remember they heard that story before. Each story is two columns and generally represents a small scene from the movie they originated from. But for about 5 - 10 minutes, I have the undivided and uninterrupted attention of my 2 toddler girls settling in for the night. While they are still pretty young, I have handled bathing duties every day since birth except for when grandparents visit or I am sick. But story time will be my time for much longer than bath time will be. I have 2 girls so I know those days are numbered.

What are your personal favorite moments?